Toilet Talk

Yes that's right, let talk about the toilet.

Its been a while since my last post but this one was always going to be about the problem I have with always needing a wee. Its been a growing concern of mine and even more so since signing up to do the Women Can Marathon. Here's the thing, I always need a wee. That's it, it really is that simple. I always need a wee. No matter where I am or what time it is, I always need a bloody wee. Its not a case of holding it in, like I used to be able to do and I'm sure that most of you still can, no no no, its a case of 'I need to and I need to now!'

So what's the big deal? I agree that its not the end of the world, not by any stretch of the imagination. I go to the loo before I leave the house and immediately when and where I arrive. I then make sure I go again before I leave said place and so forth. This is all well and good in practice (and it has taken some practice) but what's a girl to go when out in the countryside or I the middle of a 26.2 mile marathon? Oh crumbs, the panic just thinking about it.

There are 3 things that I can think of that is causing me the 'wee' problems.
1. The amount of water I am drinking throughout the day
2. I have had 2 children
3. I have MS (dum dum dum)

Breaking them down, no.1 the amount of water I drink. Well I try to drink 4 litres a day as this is the recommended daily amount and if you bare in mind that I sweat a lot due to the amount of physical activity I do every day, plus that I suffer from extreme night sweats, I don't think this is too much. It is to my understanding also that you do tend to need the toilet pretty frequently when you first start to take on more water than normal but that is just until your body gets used to it. I have been drinking this much for a good few months now and to be honest, I'm only managing 2-3 litres a day at the moment so surely this couldn't be major contributing factor could it?

No.2, carrying 2 children. Hum, not sure about this one. I have many 'Mummy' friends and I am not sure that any of them have complained about having to rush to the toilet like I do. Yeah, we all have the occasional accident but that's occasional, I'd give anything for occasional. I am totally ruling out issue no.2.

That leaves no.3 MS. As always, I know every little about this part of the illness, only that I notice people mentioning the urinal issues that MS can effect so I have done a little research.  'The nerve pathways in the spine are interrupted, even a small amount of urine in the bladder can cause it to contract. This causes a need to urinate frequently. Another (oh yes, there's another) problem  is an inability to hold on'. And there it is, right there. To me it seems that I am going to be needing a wee regardless but I am increasing the problem to drinking so much fluid throughout the day. As I said before, this is not a huge problem but I am training to do long distance running and for me, that makes it a big problem.

As it stands, when I go out running now I plan a route where I know there will be public toilets which makes it easy for me. As an example, on my 10-13 mile route I go before I leave home, then once I arrive at the car park at the start of the run, stop at public toilets approx. 4 miles in, stop again as I pass back through the same path now 6 miles in and then for the last time when I finish at the first public toilet stop. That planning just about sees me through my run, yay, but how the hell am I going to be able to go for the length of a full marathon without needing a wee?

Is this something that 'mindset' will deal with? Being a strong believer in ones mindset I absolutely plan on this being my lifesaver, either that or I plan on wetting myself all the way through LOL

Talking Out Of My Arse

The title may seem a little extreme but really, that's just how I'm feeling today.

Its been one of those days when every word that seems to have come out of my month has been quiet frankly, bullshit. Be it that I am mid sentence and completely the wrong word leaves my lips or that I simply can not think for the life of me what the actual word is that I need to say. It is so dam frustrating and something that I feel I have no control over at all.  I think that is the most difficult part for me, not being able to control it. If my MS causes me fatigue then I get up off my arse and do something, some sort of cardio. If I have aches and pains then I stretch it out and focus on being pain-free (crazy but for me it works). If I have severe headaches then I rest my eyes and take drugs plus drink more water. If I have body temperature problems then I add cloths or remove then and either warm up or cool down. If my balance is all over the place then I slow down. The list goes on but I just can't seem to stop myself from saying 'bugger or sod' instead of 'darling or sweetheart', the words just leave my mouth and that's it, the seed has been sewn.

Argh, its almost like I have a mild form of tourettes sometimes (please excuse me if you do have tourettes and I am talking out of term but hey, this is what this post is about I guess). I wish it ended there but if I am talking about how my brain no longer works the way it used to then there is so much more. I seem to get waves of confusion that come over me, it can be the simplest thing but I almost feel like I am half asleep and just don't get it, I can't concentrate much of the time and the forgetfulness is just embarrassing, I never used to be like this, I never forgot peoples names or how to preform a simple daily task. The one thing I will admit to is following directions, I have always been rubbish at that so am delighted that this is still the case, yay me for keeping a little bit of the old Gemma LOL.

Here's the thing, I have only just admitted to this being an issue to me and the reason for that is because of the feedback I am getting.  Every time I try to explain this to someone, a friend or loved one the response is always the same - "oh I do that sort of thing all the time", "don't worry about it, loads of people forget what they are talking about mid sentence" or "you are just a busy Mum, we are all like it". If I had a pound for every time someone said "baby brain" to me I would be rolling in it and to be honest I went with it for a while but my children are now almost 4 and 2 years old so I just can't get away with it anymore.  I'm not sure why but the whole thing is so frustrating for me because I know its not just a thing that everyone gets, its not right. You know when you know that something isn't right don't you? So this is what lead me to looking into it a bit more, reassurance if nothing else. I don't normally over investigate my MS symptoms because, if I am honest, I am scared of what I may learn but this time I am glad that I did. You see I'm not crazy, it is totally an MS thing and that was all I really needed to know. I don't know why that make it better, I can't explain it but it just does, it doesn't make it better or go away but it just makes it sit better with me.

The next thing is how to deal with it when it happens, being as I don't feel that I can control it without drugs (and this is a road that I am avoiding at all costs, reasons that I am sure I will talk about in the near future).
Defending myself immediately by explaining the illness and side effects etc is definitely a no go, I've tried that and just ended up babbling a whole lot more and getting myself all tangled up, blah blah blah. That's not going to be an option.
Skipping past calling someones baby daughter a 'cute little sod' is also not an option, I must have to do something at this stage, but what? You see, I don't have the answers I just figure that talking about it may rest someone else's mind assure that this is actually a 'thing' and that you are not alone. Maybe laugh at it and hope you become friends with the 'cute little sod's' mum so that you and explain and laugh about it over coffee at a later date. Either way, you are NOT alone and this IS just another joy of a fabulous illness that can surely only ever make us stronger.

Embrace a Challenge

Ok, ok, ok, so I may have set myself this challenge but why the hell not. It was one of those things that I just came across, as though a path had lead me to it on purpose and it got my heart racing at the sheer thought of it.

When it was first decided that we were moving to Cornwall, I got straight on Facebook searching for local groups that I could join to help me settle in. I'm be honest, there weren't many groups local to my area but I did spot, and immediately joined, a Trail Running Group. At the time I new nothing about trail running (I truly didn't understand what it meant) but as far as I was concerned it was a running group that would be full of like-minded people that I was sure I could relate too.
Now I'll be honest, to this point I haven't been fortunate enough to join the group on their Sunday morning trails due to having 2 children, a work-addict of a husband and no sitters (as of yet) but I do follow them on Facebook as I am keen to get started asap. But, a recent post on the group caught my attention, WomenCan marathon. Yep, I was checking it out straight away. A full trail marathon (26.4 miles) across Devon pathways to celebrate 50 years since the first ever women took part in a full marathon.

Everything that I read filled me with absolute excitement. A marathon that was for women only, near to where I currently live, doesn't cost the earth to enter, off road and a MASSIVE challenge to me, an old bird with MS.  I got in contact with the organisers straight away, finances are not at there best at the moment and there was no way that I wanted to risk not getting a place and I can not tell you how excited I was with the response.  There are still places left and if it looked like they were closing in then someone would message me so that I could grab my chance and not risk missing out.

Why am I so desperate to be part of this event? There are so many reasons;
1. The feeling and buzz that I get when I take on a personal challenge
2. I am (hopefully but not yet confirmed) able to raise some money for an MS Charity that have already done so much for me)
3. Push myself mentally and physically
4. Be able to inspire so many other people and spread the message that anything is possible
5. I can say that I achieved something that for me, is incredible.

And so the training has started. My first recorded run was last week, I planned on doing 10k as I believed I was pretty much already doing that whenever I go out anyway but as I was recording my results using Strava then I would have something to track me through my training. Little did I know that I wasn't doing anything near 10k already, not even touching it in fact. Ekkkk, and panic! Don't get me wrong, I did it and it felt good but this is actually going to really push me. During my first proper run my MS did show its face, the numbness started halfway through and I stopped for a while to allow a bit of time for the feeling to come back to my fingers and toes. Just look at the views on my break though, so often we get so focused on the finish line that we forget to enjoy the journey - well thank you numbness and as always, thank you MS, this is already a journey I know that I am going to love to hate. Bring it on, I can not bloody wait!

Running naked in the rain

I should start by stressing that I have not actually been running 'naked' in the rain but I feel that during my last outing I pretty much could have been and would still have been completely comfortable and confident in myself if I was.

Let me explain.....
I'm not sure about anyone else but the thought of any type of fitness doesn't always excite me in the way you would imagine, especially as I do some sort of physical activity 6 days a week. Don't get me wrong, the initial thoughts are always positive and full of excitement because I know that once I have worked up a sweat and pushed myself to the limit I become a different person, someone that I love being. Oozing with confidence and a having a great sense of achievement that overpowers almost any self doubts that I may have is an incredible feeling and certainly one that is worth all the pain and sweat that I put my, sometimes, fatigued and aching body through.  But when it comes to crunch time I really have to force myself to just bloody well get on with it, and a few days ago it was a real struggle. Having decided the evening before that I would drop Michael at pre school and then take Stanley out in the running buggy for a morning run I could not believe my luck to wake up to the noise of rain hammering down on the bedroom window. Oh Christ! I had really wanted to go for a nice run and now its raining. Never mind, a bit of rain never hurt anyone and I could always scrap the run and do a home workout instead. No, I had planned a run and was looking forward to it, plus is was still only 4.30am and the weather is bound to calm down come 9 o'clock. Yes, I was still going for a run.

The rain didn't stop and I couldn't help but notice how chilly it was outside when I did the school run. Should I cancel and stay at home?  I would be cold running in the rain and then the MS would cause me to lose the feeling in my hands and possibly my feet as it tends to when I get cold. Oh Christ Gemma, just get the bloody buggy in the car and drive..

So I did and as I parked up, still trying to talk myself into it, I couldn't help but notice another 'going for a run' lady getting out of her car, just like that. Out she got, did a couple of stretches and she was off. Hum, a little bit of self-talk would help me out here surely, it had to be 'self-talk' as Stanley had already fallen asleep in the back of the car so there was not point in my trying to pretend to talk to my 1 year old. "She is probably only going a mile or two, not as far as me. She certainly isn't pushing a 2 stone baby in a buggy. I'm sure that she must have had more of a lie-in than me. There is no way that she has a chronic illness like me, that's for sure".  Funnily enough, the self-talk didn't make the slightest bit of difference but it did remind me that actually I was pretty tough. I do have a chronic illness, I am still choosing to push myself and go out running in the rain, I am taking my baby with me and I have been up since 4.30am. Yep, I am a fighter.

3....2.....1.....
I was out and off. The first 5 minutes where a little uncomfortable but only because I let my fears of numbness control my mind. Once the blood started pumping through my body the endorphins slowly started to show their face and I became alive. That feeling that I already new existed and the one that I guess I was chasing in a way had come alive.  Within 10 minutes the rain had become a blessing, the fresh smell that filled the air of the surrounding woods was sweet and innocent and the drops trickling down my face where so refreshing.  Every dog-walker that I passed, all wrapped up in big rain coats and wearing suitable wheelie boots, shared a greeting with me and each smile made me feel that it was their way of saying "well done you".

It would be true to say that I was totally buzzing and every step I took seemed to be effortless, no better than that, every step was a pleasure. The route I took was a trail run and pretty hilly but the scenery made it totally worth while and what's more is that once I made it to the top of the hill I am so full of pride that I actually feel like I am stood on top of the world.  The half-way point is always the best for me, to be able to stop and say 'wow, I have bloody done it.  After all that flapping about during the build up to what now seems very much like a simple run in the rain, I have actually done it, and it is beautiful'. The sense of achievement, knowing that you are better than 'that' and reminding yourself that you are one strong badass is exceptional and one of the biggest highs that life can give.

So all in all, if you skip through my babbling on about the whole build-up to what is,  I believe,  one of life's most fantastic feelings is that we all have 2 choices. We can choose to lie back and let the world/life/whatever you prefer to call it, control us or we can stand up to it, find our inner most strengths and live every second to the fullest. The rewards out-way any effort that it takes (big or small) as being able to say to yourself  'I fucking did it' has got to be the best thing ever!

Before I end the post I finish by saying that when I returned to my car I did strip off my soaking wet top and vest, down to just my running bra and pants (trousers) before wrapping myself into a cosy jumper and hoping in the car - half naked lets say ;-)

The Big Move

It feels like weeks and weeks since I last posted and I most definitely feel a few years older.
Only 10 weeks ago the decision was made for the family to pack up and  move our entire lives 300 miles away from the hustle and bustle of urban life to the laid back mellow warmth of rural living. And what a tiring time those 10 weeks have been.

I have been loaded with excitement about the unknown, moving to a small village where you don't know a single person, where the local shop is, where schools or even where the play parks are can be pretty daunting. I pride myself with the fact that I choose to completely look at the positives and not for a second consider any negatives. Its funny how many people (unknowingly I'm sure) will attempt to reassure you that its the right thing to do when you didn't for a second question it.  "you will be ok once you are settled in". "I am sure that you will make friends in no time" etc etc etc. Surely part of the settling in is all part of the adventure? It is for me anyway and making friends is the same again.  Having spoken to every person that has crossed my path so far would suggest that I am well on my way to making friends and meeting new people, this is fun.

And we are off!!!

So we have up'd sicks and moved to Cornwall and what an incredibly beautiful place it is. As I go about my day and notice all the tourists that are coming to visit I feel like stopping them and shouting out 'I LIVE HERE' with utter pride (I don't of course incase they were to ask me directions or something along that line as I would still be pretty clueless at this stage).  We are surrounded by nothing but countryside and as I predicted adventure.  Getting out and about in the fresh air everyday does something to your heart and soul, it makes you look at life completely differently. The feeling that there is nothing to hold you back, the world is your oyster, get out there and be someone, its truly uplifting.

Don't get me wrong, the move wasn't easy. Me and my husband decided that we would do it all ourselves and along with that came its fair share of stress I can assure you.  From finding somewhere to live (when you are 300 miles away and don't know the area at all this can be pretty tricky) to arranging vans for moving your belongings and then packing up. To your average person I am sure that this procedure is pretty simple but for a women with 2 children no sitters and a chronic illness that comes with it a fair batch of fatigue and general confussion it was by no means a walk in the park but was it worth it? Most definitely! By simply focusing on all the positives that this move has so far brought into my life it feels me with. well nothing but love and happiness to be honest. For example, I was absolutely dreading the journey here, driving 300 miles alone (I must say that I am a terribly nervous driver to say the least) with only the children in the car and the Sat Nav for company completely terrified me but not only did I do it, it did it with confidence and sang along to the radio all the way. There was also a concern for me that the stress of moving and me and my husband doing it together with very little help from anyone else may put a massive strain on our relationship but as I look back it has made us much stronger. We worked together as a team (a little like The Chuckle Brothers at times) because we had a deadline to meet and therefore we just had to get on with it as best we could. After all, we only have each other.

The 2nd trip out with my runners on and this was my halfway view - gorgeous

So with the all stress of the move has come the increasing closeness of my family, a confidence boost for me and the possibilities for my fitness levels have skyrocketed! I am surrounded by the most glorious run routes that I have ever come across. Everywhere I turn there is a beach and endless country roads to run along, all of which I class as my 'unwinding roads'. As I am sure many MSers will agree, it isn't easy just plodding along with so much happening in your life. Not knowing what is around the corner and if tomorrow is going to be the day that I can no longer get out of bed. I believe for that very reason we need to make the most of what we have today and take time out to enjoy it and soak it all in, not to yet it go unnoticed. Gratitude is a wonderful thing and for my life today, I am truly grateful.

I am NOT drunk!!!!

I have seen lots of posts across social media along with clothing showing the catchphrase 'I'm not drunk, I've got MS' and never really understood it.  Yeh I can have balance issues and yeh my speak is often pretty bizarre but I have never felt like I would appear drunk to anyone........ until this weekend that is!!!!!!

Oh my word, where do I start on this one?
Well I was meeting a business partner in a local café and this is something that I always look forward to, I get to be me for a couple of hours rather than a mum or a wife. So in I waltz, feeling all free, independent and generally pretty pleased with myself. My college wasn't there yet so I took myself to the bar to order a latte before getting myself seated. Coffee ordered, table for 2 spotted and off I went. I found my route in between the back of 2 tables (I will add at this point that there was plenty of room for me to get by, I didn't even have to squeeze past) and as I walked through I managed to walk directly into the chair of a lady who was happily sipping her coffee. Not only did I walk into the back of her chair but I also managed to drag and spin it a good enough distance to cause her to spit out a small amount of coffee along with spilling some on herself. The horrified look she gave me was something else! I naturally apologised immediately and declared what a wally I was whilst giving an embarrassed giggle. Her look of discuss remained and she turned herself back around to face her table. 'Rude cow' I thought, it was only an accident, no harm meant..

After getting myself seated I very much enjoyed a little quiet time scrolling through my phone whilst making the odd joke with the couple on my left. Life was good and I felt pretty cool and independent, just chilling on my own in a coffee shop, I had already forgotten the previous incident with the miserable cow behind me.

30 minutes later and it would appear that I had been stood u.  Not a problem, I had finished my latte and the glass of water that I had helped myself too so up I stood all ready to leave. Having carefully swung my rucksack over one shoulder I decided the polite thing to do would be to carry my empty glasses back to the bar because, well I was a cool and breezy friendly kind of a girl. There was plenty of room in front of me as the tables there were empty so I picked up the crockery and made me way to the bar, up until the mug just completely leap off the saucer I was carrying and flew into the air. I watched the incident in slow motion thinking to myself 'please don't smash, please don't smash' as the mug spun all the way to the ground. Thank goodness it didn't smash, the relief tingled down my body but as I bent down to retrieve the mug I noticed that all the remaining foam from the mug had flow out and completed splattered the gentleman now sat with his back to me, and what's more is that his face would suggest that he had also noticed. Oh god, please swallow me up ground, please just swallow me up... But no, instead I apologised about a million times while crouching on the floor thumbling around in my rucksack looking for a wet wipe. The remainder of what I said is all a bit of a blur but I do recall wiping foam from his shoes and complimenting him on how lovely they were, how sorry I was and how much my husband would have loved them. Give me strength! I'm not sure why I have to babble such nonsense when I am in a panic but I really wish I wouldn't.

Anyway, once I had got the gentleman and the floor clean, I apologised again, got myself and the mug/glass together and continued to the bar. It was at this point that I was met by a waitress who put her hands out and said she would take them for me. "its ok" I said, "I've got them" but she was having none of it, she stared at me and roughly said "NO, ITS OK I HAVE GOT THEM" as she snatched them from my hands.

It was the very moment the door closed behind me that it hit me, they thought I was drunk. I raced through the events in my mind and then repeated them as an onlooker and yes, of course they did.
That is exactly how I looked. I wanted to so desperately go back in there and explain to each person that I had made contact with of my situation, of my illness, of my lack of balance and of my brain fog until I realised that actually it doesn't actually matter does it?  I have always been clumsy and the people that know and love me know that, does it really mean that much what strangers think of me?The truth is, had I not have noticed so much on social media, the thought would never have entered my mind. Was I being controlled by a label that I believe I should be associated with? If I didn't have MS it would have just been Gemma being Gemma but because I do then I get to blame my behaviour on something.

How much of our emotions are controlled but outside influences? I know that if I watch or read about negative sides of MS or any chronic illness to be honest, it can really drag me down. I end up feeling pretty sorry for myself and this is a state that doesn't fit comfortably with me. I want to be inspired and learn about the 'what could be's' instead of the 'what can go wrong's' or the 'how bad it can get's'. If we focus our minds on the negatives then surely that is what we are going to attract. Focusing on the positives have been working for me for a few years now so this is where I am going to remain, if I look drunk whilst in my gym wear in the early afternoon at a coffee shop then so be it. I am sure it would have given someone something to giggle at and that's what its all about - being happy.

Knowing when to stop!

I must say that I am an absolute bugger for over-doing it and not knowing when to stop!

Friends and family will always nag me to slow down, rest and take some time out but I just love the buzz of being busy, training hard and keeping on. From the moment my eyes open in the morning, I get up, drink some Aloe and that's me, I am on it right up until bedtime.

I am sure this is pretty common, having a busy life is fulfilling and makes you feel that you have achieved something rather than just existing day after day but its the 'knowing when my body is telling me to stop' bit that I really must pay attention to. You see, and I know I have mentioned it before, I am a tough old cookie and often live life thinking that I am indestructible and to be honest that attitude has always served me pretty well.

During my training session this morning, I was working really hard. I always try to better myself as I need a challenge. I record my 'max-out' times and thrive to improve on them daily but this morning when I maxed out right near the end of the session, as I stopped what I was doing to a quick slurp of water before getting back to it again, I stopped and paid attention to my body.  Not only was my heart rate through the roof but I could kind of feel my heart pumping through my head!! and it was fast! With a very sweaty and heart-pounding head, for the first time, I got scared. I had to actually completely stop and recover.

It was at that moment, as I was leaning over our dinning table to slow things down and watching the sweat dripping from my nose, that I thought of what could have happened if I didn't listen to my body screaming to me to just stop. The silly thing is that I already know how easy it is for us MSers to over heat and have no doubt that this would end in my keeling over or goodness knows what else, so I should never have let myself get to that point. 

Its not all about me anymore, I am a mother of 2 gorgeous boys and I must keep telling myself that. If I harmed myself what on earth would happen to them?
So lesson learned, I got scared, addressed it and gave myself a big slap on the back of the hand! Naughty (but very much ok from the episode) Gemma!

X Ray Results

NEWS IN!!!!!.....and it is fantastic!

My x-ray results show that both my knees are fabulous and perfectly healthy which I am delighted with. Although this does mean that I am having a relapse but as far as I am concerned this is great news.

I now know that if I continue to train/workout I am not damaging myself (although it very much feels like it) or causing any more problems. It simply means that my brain is 'incorrectly' telling me there is something wrong therefore causing it to hurt. As it turns out, I am quite a tough cookie and seem to be able to run through the pain so I am back on it.

Just been out for my first run (2nd workout of the day) and it felt so good, I just love the freedom of running. I say freedom but I do still have my husband on the phone nagging me to be careful as my leg has decided to collapse on my a couple of times and he is worried this will happen while I'm out on a run and that I may fall and knock myself out or something (I know, he is a little extreme). As normal, I have found a great way to shut him up by getting myself an ID bracket from www.getmyid.com and I must say that I can't rate them enough.

By simply entering my details etc online all my personal illness information as well as next of kin is held in one place.  So if I am found in an unconscious state on the floor and an ambulance gets to me, they will be able to track my information and treat me accordingly, as well as contacting my husband so that he can say 'I told you so of course'. Either way I have it covered and although I very much doubt that any such thing will ever happen it is reassuring to wear this somewhat attractive bracelet and, as I have said, a great way of shutting up the other half.

So what's my point? Well, since having the dodgy knee that at first prevented me from doing what I enjoy I thought positively about it. In fact I really hoped it was an 'MS' thing because that way I could find a way to work through/with it and I have done exactly that. When it hurts I try and just deal with the pain, when it really hurts then I stop and rest, when it collapses on me (which I have ever faith it won't) then I get myself home and get back on it tomorrow. If it continues to happen, that's when I get to give yoga a go.

Where there's a will there's a way. don't let anything beat you...

Hanging up my running shoes

It absolutely pains me to say this but I am having to hang up my running shoes (very much for the time being).
Apparently something is happening to my knee that means when I am 10-or-so minutes into a run my knee whats to give in and collapse! Arrgh. I can not tell you how this angers me.

The worst thing about it is the not knowing. I am currently waiting for the x ray results that will hopefully confirm what the issue is and indeed, if there is one at all.  The problem with MS is that there is every chance that I am having a relapse (of some sort) and that there is actually nothing wrong with me knee its just that my brain is telling me it hurts. Arrrgghh again. I guess the good news is though is that if it is a MS thing at least I know I can keep fighting through it without causing any further damage and this is very much something that I intend to do. You've got to hit me with something harder than that to keep me down!!!  If its not MS then great news again, at least I can get whatever is wrong fixed.

So its a sad day for me and my poor old running shoes that swing alone, but (and its a massive BUT), bring on the home workouts and get sweating.....

 I only said that I couldn't run didn't I?!?!?!?

Good Morning Britains Tough Mums

Having got myself back into (what I would call) pretty good shape since I was first diagnosed, things started to get a little boring. I was looking for a new challenge, something that would give me a bit of a kick into the unknown and then as if by magic an opportunity jumped in my path.

ITV's Good Morning Britain were advertising for Mum's to take on their Tough Mudder challenge and it really looked like just my cup of tea. Applicants would need to be a mum (tick), have a disability or chronic illness (tick) or would be raising money for a cause that would prove them a 'tough mum' (tick) but out of the thousands of entries, only 100 would be selected to take part.....
The day I received the phone call "Hi Gemma, my name is Scott and I am calling from Good Morning Britain" I very almost wet my pants with excitement, it was one of the best days ever!!!! I could not believe my luck, I was going to take on an incredible challenge (giving me a fantastic excuse to be able to train my bum off), hopefully raise a good amount of cash for charity and I was going to be on telly!!!! I can still feel the excitement rush through me as I talk about it.

Now if I was going to do this I was going to do it properly. There was no way I was going to make a fool of myself, I was going to train hard and do my research, look into every obstacle in detail and that's exactly what I did. Every morning I did 30 mins of intense training at home, be it cardio, upper body strength of lower strength and then every afternoon I went running, be it 5k or 10k, off road or road running, I just ran. It was only when I told people about what I was doing and how it came about that I remembered that I do actually have a chronic illness. For me the fitter I got and the harder I worked at it the less I felt that I even had MS. My mind was focused and very positive and I truly believe that that is half the battle, the same as with most things I guess. If I spoke to someone about the challenge who didn't know me there response would always be 'you can't be ill, you are fit'. You've got to love that......

So at my most super fittest the day arrived, it was cold and raining but it didn't matter as the adrenaline took care of that (for the time being anyway). A facebook group had been started so 50 ish of us mums where already in contact and it was truly inspiring meeting up with these wonderfully strong (both in and out) ladies. We all worked as a team to get each other through the course and much laughter was had along the way but for me, the laughter soon stopped after completing  Arctic Enema (dropping into swimming through ice cold water). All in all I found the course pretty easy on the physical side, I had been training so hard that I didn't doubt it to be honest but I was not expecting my MS to come and smack me in the face with a  very cold wet fish when it did. Oh man, I really struggled after my swim with the ice, my body temperature was unbearable but me being the stubborn cow that I am still completed the course before my body went into some sort of seizure on the other side of the finish line.

But what a day and what a fantastic event to be involved in, I was so incredibly proud of myself and am very much looking forward to my next challenge.... Tough Mum indeed.

Lets Get the Party Started

For some reason I am super nervous about my first post and seem to have been putting it off and off and off again, if there was an excuse as I why I haven't got it started yet then I can assure you I have used it. But, now is the time so I'll get started.

I guess there are 4 'key' parts to my life;
1. Married and a mother of two
2. Deeply passionate about fitness
3. I run my own business
4. I have Multiple Sclerosis

My life seems very basic and simple when I note it down in such a manner as '4 key points' doesn't it? Let me assure you though that there is nothing, nothing at all that is simple or basic about my life. I am sure that any mother can relate to that.

Being a full-time stay at home mum and house wife can be pretty tricky at the best of times (especially when your children are 1 and 3 years of age) but I absolutely love it. If I had a pound for every time I screamed 'Michael, come here' when I am doing a basic shop in Sainsbury's, I'd be a millionaire by now! I just love it.

The housewife part is simple too. Every step I take around the house involves me picking up various toys, bits of chewed up food or whatever lies in my path and disposing of. Every time I enter the kitchen I put the washing on or take the washing out, do the washing up (again), grab some food or start preparing breakfast, lunch or one the 3 dinners I will need to make that evening. Smile when husband arrives home from work and great with a bottle of beer - house wife done.

Fitness is a huge passion of mine and the one thing that I always, without fail, manage to find time to fit into my schedule. Having a chronic illness means that it is important to stay as fit and healthy as you can and that is all the excuse that I need. Squeezing an intense home workout in in the morning before toddler group is essential to me, a great way to get the day started and then I'll get a run done in the afternoon when Michael is at pre school (as I said, any excuse). Loads more to talk about on this subject as time goes on.

Running my own business is just fabulous. I get to work my own hours around the rest of my crazy life and make a good living from it, who could ask for more. The product that I work with is something else that I am hugely passionate about purely because I believe that it is what has given me the strength and capability to live my non-stop hetic life to its full - more about that at later date too.

So having MS is a pretty big part of my life, I guess. There's the thing, it 'was' a huge part of my life but these days, not anymore really. Over the last 3 years I have learnt to live with it, deal with it and basically get over it! The whole reason for my blog was behind me having MS really, I know of so many people that seem to really suffer from the illness and I figure that if there is just one thing that I could share that would maybe inspire just one person then it would be worth doing. So that's it, the orginal reason that I am here. I hope you stick with me and enjoy my daily ramblings but mostly, I truly hope to inspire someone who may need to see the light at the end of the tunnel.