Having completed the Women Can Marathon and hating it, I was now training to do a 2nd trail marathon with similar terrain and elevation as before, that would be on 15th October which is also my 40th Birthday. Because of previous experience it would be now more important than ever that I got my training right, it was going to be a big day and I really, really wanted to relax and enjoy it while still attempting to get a personal best (run it in under 5 hours). This was going to be an amazing way to spend my 40th and I was genuinely excited.
Training wasn't as enjoyable this time round though, I put a little to much pressure on myself to up the mileage as the thought of being defeated again by 26.2 miles wasn't going to be an option. When I got hit by a relapse approx.4 months ago I seemed to take a side step for a few weeks. My confidence took a bit of a battering as my vision was effected pretty badly and continuous balts of vertigo made me feel unsteady on my feet. That said, I still went out and did the miles, not as fast as I would have liked but I still went out. Running is my therapy and it especially helped me through the relapse, it gives me something to be in control of. If I didn't run or get outside and take part in a physical activity them I can only see myself stuck at home wallowing in my own Pity Party. Nope, that's not for me thank you very much.
I started to attend our local Parkrun event every Saturday, a great way of meeting other runners and being part of that community and it has to be one of the best things I have done. So many people getting out there and doing the same thing as me, no one judging anyone and everyone supporting each other. This was just what I needed as it helped me see that it is far more about the taking part than how fast you go. Yep, everything was working out for me this time. I new I could do the mileage, I was confident that I could complete it in under 5 hours and I had now relaxed enough to enjoy the event and my birthday.
Because of the amount of mileage I had done over the last few months I started to get a continuous pain in my left hamstring that was effecting my runs so thought it would be best to go and get a sports massage. The massage was a good eye opener for me, it was advised that the mileage I was doing was too high (approx. 160 miles a month), especially for someone with a chronic illness that introduces all sorts of mobility issues to your body. I was warned that I would soon get an injury if I didn't address it. Let the tapering begin, it was time to slow the miles down so that I would be in ship shape come the 15th.
To begin the tapering and with just 10 days to go I decided to go out and cover 10 miles of mix terrain, I wanted to get as much trail miles in as possible with the little time I had left. The weather had been pretty bad for the last week or two so the trails where going to be muddy but hey, the muddier the better, it can be so much fun hoping and skipping around the squidgy puddles. Feeling like, what I can only describe as a Warrior Princess, I pounded the sludge until, 'slip, fall, crack'. And in as slower motion as I felt the fall was, my world ended.
Everything had just been ruined in one stupid fall. Everything that I had been working for was over. Not only is my birthday marathon dream over but running is my life, it is everything that I am about, without running who am I? Having spent the last week going through the typical emotions, anger, sorrow, self pity and even loneliness, I find myself desperately looking for the answer to the riddle, 'everything happens for a reason'.
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